A Public Service Announcement

I would just like to clarify to all for one and final time.

I do not make personal jabs on my blog.

I do understand that these days passive-aggressiveness is the default action of many people, and we are all incredibly battered by it. We come to expect that when people have a problem with us, then we will be on the receiving end of passive-aggressive behaviour.

This is not how I operate. EVER. If I have a problem with someone that I wish to address, I will address it with them directly and personally. If they hear no more about it from me, they can rest assured it is of no consequence to me and I have moved on. Trust me, if I'm angry with you... you will know it, I'm quite comfortable in expressing anger with someone directly.

My blog posts are not of any targeted nature and are about my feelings, opinions, beliefs and thoughts on general situations. Sometimes a discussion or event may bring those thoughts to the surface, or assist me in illustrating a point, but I do not use my blog to make personal slights or attacks on anyone - unless they come here to this blog and attack me.

If you have read an opinion piece on my blog that does not directly name you, link to a comment you made on my blog or to something you have written about me, but you think it is directly targeting you... you are wrong and you need to let go of that attitude/belief.

If you have a problem with me personally, you are welcome to contact me directly to discuss as I will do for you. However if you make any derogatory comments, personal insults or behave in a disrespectful manner, I will delete everything and block you.

But this blog is not some snarking ground to bitch about other people. Others may behave like that but I do not. And I will not tolerate people trying to turn it into that in comments either.

No more will be entered into on this subject.

Be Careful of Taking the Easy Road Out

Tonight I want to talk about the concept of privilege. I was going to blog about this on Fat Heffalump but on further thought I think it's about more than just fat discrimination. It's about any kind of discrimination or prejudice.

Let's start with a definition.

privilege: A special advantage, immunity, permission, right or benefit granted to or enjoyed by an individual class or caste.

The context I am talking about today is the idea that any member of a majority has privilege over the minority, and therefore cannot understand, criticise or challenge that minority in their thinking.

I'm going to probably make myself quite unpopular here, but that's ok, I'm used to it. But I really think too many people use the concept of privilege as a cop out when it comes to discussions and debates.

While I do think the concept of privilege is valid, and sometimes yes, someone who is particularly close minded and cloistered in their privilege is never going to get it. But I think all too often those who feel marginalised and are unable to articulate their point just throw their hands up and state "Oh I can't get through to you, you're coming from privilege."

When the truth is, they either want out of the discussion, or don't have a valid argument to continue it. It is often used as the metaphorical equivalent of taking your bat and ball and going home.

Perhaps I see this because technically I live on both sides of the privilege. I am a fat woman, so I do not have privilege on my side in that aspect. But I am also a Christian in Western society, which technically does put me in privilege.

So I've seen it from both sides of the fence so to speak. As I said, I do believe there are instances when people just simply cannot understand or they use their privilege to silence those in the minority. But I think that those of us who are in the minority for whatever reason need to be very careful about how we use the cry of privilege.

Do we we really want to end up being the boys and girls who cried wolf?

Sunday Morning Wordplay

I've had a self imposed rest weekend this week. I told myself that I wasn't allowed to accept any invitations out, because I needed some time to just rest and sleep properly and recharge the batteries. By Friday morning I had such frightening green and purple circles under my eyes from simply racing around like a madwoman for the past few months, it gave me the determination to carry out a weekend of rest.

I was bored by 10am Saturday morning. It is now 11am Sunday morning and I have accepted an invitation to go out for dinner tonight because I'm feeling rested enough and think if I stay cooped up I will probably get very angry and ranty.

So while laying in bed this morning mulling over a bit of douchebag behaviour I suffered last night (which I will blog on Fat Heffalump later when the sting isn't so sharp) I came up with a brilliant word. What's the word you ask? Well...

Douchebuggery: when two or more douchebags get together and encourage each other in their douchebag behaviour.

Like it? You can use it if you like.

I posted it to Twitter and in response Agent X (who has a rather awesome web comic) responded with "how about "Douchebraggery" - where douchebags talk up their exploits."

I like that one too!

And last night I used "Douchebaguette". That's a young female douchebag, usually seen in packs on public transport on a Friday or Saturday night, slightly pissed and highly abusive.

I am sure there are lots and lots of others, so I'd like you all to put your thinking caps on and post some suggestions to the comments below. Let's create a whole collection of words to express our feelings and thoughts about the douchebags of the world!

Go to it!

My Epiphany on Love, Hate and God

This morning while laying in bed, I was thinking about the post I read over on Rickofawesome's blog last night. Not only is it a great rant, very eloquently put, but it's saddening that in 2009 he needs to have this rant. I was laying there thinking about how sad it makes me that people use God to justify their own hateful behaviour and attitudes, when I personally don't believe that is what God is about at all. My thoughts ran over how people like those that comment in this Courier Mail article, regarding MP Dorothy Pratt's comments in State Parliament about homosexuality being "not a normal part of life", use God or religion to spread hate.

Stick with me here for a bit.

Now let me just clear this up, I am a Christian. I don't belong to any denomination because I've not been able to find one that fits me and my beliefs, but I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God and therefore that makes me Christian. I don't need to belong to a denomination or church to be Christian. I also don't need to prove my faith, evangelise it, defend it or convert anyone to it. I don't care if people believe different to me, so long as they allow me to hold my faith without prejudice. Personally I believe God is God, regardless of what name you call Him by or if you split Him up into a bunch of Gods that all serve the same purpose. But that's by the by.

But as well as being Christian, I also believe a whole bunch of things that people calling themselves Christian spread a whole lot of hate against. I believe that a person's sexuality is private and personal and has no bearing on their worth as a human being. I believe that pornography and prostitution have a place in a healthy society. I believe that there are circumstances where abortion is a legitimate option (sometimes sadly the only option). I believe that religion has no place in education, health care or government. I believe that women are equal to men. I believe that if someone is partaking in an activity that harms no-one but themselves, then it is their right to do so. I also swear like a trouper, drink like a fish and believe in pre-marital sex. These beliefs will draw me hatred from many of my so-called fellow Christians.

Which draws me back to my thoughts as I lay in bed this morning, thinking of the hate that so many people spread in the name of God. And I had an epiphany. It was a big one too. That epiphany was:

God is Love.

Simple isn't it? Or at least it feels that way when you look at that little three word sentence. But so many people simply don't get it. They spread hatred and anger (which is just the expression of hatred) in the name of God when they are actually doing the very opposite of what I believe God is. And it doesn't matter who or what your God is.

But it really goes for everyone, both those of faith and those who are atheists. If you want to achieve anything in your life, bring love into it. I'm not talking about sex. Or a relationship, though that form of love will count. I'm also not talking about a big hippy ideal of peace and love and groovy man.

If you want happiness, find love in your life. Now calm down, I'm not saying that you have to be in a relationship to have happiness, which is what everyone thinks when one mentions finding love. I'm saying focus on the things you love. Your family, your friends, your job, your art, your pets, whatever. But most of all, love yourself. If you can't find love for yourself, your struggle is still going to be there my friend. You don't have to get all weird and announce "Oh I am loving myself sick right now!" But you do have to find yourself feeling a deep like for who you are. It's not an easy thing to do, but work on making yourself the best you can possibly and you will find that love.

If you spread hate, if you spend your day filled with hate, then that's all you're going to get back in return. People hating you back. All you're going to see in your life are the things you hate. You're never going to notice the good things that are right there in front of you while you are all about hate.

It's ok to disagree with things. It's ok to be passionate in that disagreement. But hateful? That's what's bringing you the shit in your life. Hate doesn't make you a better person, it makes you a worse one. If you disagree with something passionately, which you have the right to do, even if that belief is harmful or discriminatory to others, find evidence about it, discuss it in an intelligent, rational, respectful manner and listen when you are presented the opposing view. Even if others believe you are wrong, you have the right to hold that belief so long as you do so with respect. You have the right to hold a belief, you do not necessarily have the right to act on that belief. Learn the difference.

But most of all, stop hiding behind religion to justify your hate. God doesn't want you to spread hate. No matter which God or Gods you believe in. Besides you're fucking it up for the rest of us who would like to be respected in our faith.

A Post for the Guys...

This post is especially for the guys. I would like to ask you all to please go and read this article:

On Being a No-Name Blogger Using Her Real Name - Kate Harding

Ladies may read it as well, but I wager it's all nothing you haven't heard or thought before.

I am not using my real name. However many of you know my real name, or I have enough information on here for anyone who knows me, to know that this is my blog. I did have my real name on my Twitter too but changed that, however I use my first name regularly there. I have toyed with using my real name everywhere, as I really want to be transparent in my blogging/tweeting etc, I want my name to be connected to my writing, but I have had some troubling experiences in the life of my blogging. I have been lucky so far, I've not had anything truly frightening, but I have had some upsetting experiences.

However I don't want those to take my joy of writing, tweeting, sharing photos and videos away from me. I want to stay transparent and open, I'm proud of that. I want to share my experiences and the wisdom I gain along the way, and dammit my opinions too.

So that's why I'm asking particularly the guys to read the Kate Harding article linked above. Because when you fellas let it slide when some douchebag makes our lives miserable, or insults us, or "drunk tweets" feral sexual comments about us, or harasses us in blog comments, or rolls their eyes when we get upset about something and so on, you're giving those misogynistic fuckers the message that it's ok. And that encourages them to take it to the next step, and the next, and beyond.

But I would also like to take this opportunity to thank those men who DO stand up and say "Oi, that's not right." when these things happen. I would like you to know how much it matters to women when you do that. Not just because you're seen as being on our side, but because it gives us a feeling that we are safer having your support. That not every man is out to crush us down, shut us up, force us into our "place". That there is hope for change for women who wish to be seen, who don't want to be invisible.

So thank you.

Things on Twitter that Give Me the Shits

I've had a yucky day. Mostly because I'm unwell (nothing serious, just ick, you know?) and some work crap is bothering me. So I'm going to be totally self-indulgent and have a rant about things that shit me on Twitter*. No, these are not rules or guidelines or what everyone should do. they are things that shit ME, and I am allowed to be shit by things. Get comfy. Or bugger off if you're easily offended. Don't say you weren't warned.

1. Twittascope. It's spam. Turn that shit off.
2. Those quiz things. That shit belongs on Facebook where I can hide it.
3. People with no avatar picture. I hate that brown and blue default o_O thing. It's rude, put a picture up there. I don't care what it is. You, your cat, a flower, a cartoon, just put SOMETHING there so you have identification.
4. People using the C word. I am the swearin' librarian, and I can swear with the best of 'em (here, have a "fuck", just for the fun of it), but the C word is really misogynistic and has no masculine equivalent. I just hate it.
5. Links posted with no explanation as to what they are. Stick your rickrolling up your arse.
6. Boring people who tweet the same thing every day, or that I can tell what day of the week it is by what they're tweeting. They may as well be saying "It's Tuesday, I had meatloaf, same as last Tuesday". Zzzzz!
7. Got no location or bio in your profile? Piss off! I'd rather you just put your country if you don't want to put your home town.
8. When people piss all over avatar colours or twibbons that are symbols of goodwill, when they're doing fuck all for any causes themselves.
9. Constant spammy links to articles about your spiritual beliefs (or lack of them). Stop trying to convert me.
10. ANY tweets that are denigrating to anyone else's spiritual belief (or lack of them).
11. People who shit all over those who post pictures of their cat/kids/pet rock. So what if you're not interested, unfollow. Some of us LIKE cute baby/pet pics.
12. When people bitch about twitter competitions. They're usually the same people posting three hundred spammy links to some anti-religion site or three hundred articles about how Apple is better than Microsoft.
13. Apple haters.
14. Microsoft haters
15. Haters.
16. Those who excuse disgusting behaviour through tweets as "Oh he was drunk."
17. Those who shit on newbies. Everyone was new at some stage, and the whole point of social media is through SHARING.
18. If someone is innocently doing something that is poor form, just tell them. If they continue to do it, THEN get snarky.
19. Baying for blood. Put the flaming torches down people.
20. Passive aggressive bullshit.
21. Cliques
22. Those who pick on the odd typo or spelling mistake. It's fucking Twitter, not a thesis. (I will admit that every tweet having spelling mistakes or typos does wear a bit thin though).
23. People who are not famous (ie Stephen Fry or Nathan Fillion) but think they are too important to respond when asked a question, or acknowledge someone who answers their question.
24. Social media experts.
25. Any kind of experts.
26. Businesses that have Twitter accounts and then ignore people who tweet to them.
27. Businesses that spam with constant links to their products.
28. Meatmarket tweets. All that shit about girlpashing and photos of their tits and trying to get into each other's pants. Take it to the Normanby you lot.
29. Lurkers.
30. Folks worrying about the number of people who follow them. Or folks touting how to get more followers. The numbers don't matter. How you engage and connect with people does.
31. Shitting on other people's music/movie/book/whatever taste because you think your taste is "better/more important". It's not, get over it.
32. Bitchiness. Sneering. It doesn't make you look cool or funny. You just look like a prick.
33. Superiority complexes. "Well I knew all about it, I can't possibly understand how YOU didn't".
34. Constant "Fuck my life!" tweets trying to gain attention. Everyone goes through tough patches and your Twitter buddies are there for you when you need to vent or feel crap. But when all you do is moan for attention, it's pathetic. Particularly if you're never there for others in return.
35. Getting involved in other people's discussions when you're not even talking about the same thing as they are. Jump on in if you're on topic, but leave people alone if you're on a tangent!
36. Posting things that are Not Safe For Work without an NSFW warning.
37. RACISM. Not acceptable, EVER.

I am sure there is a lot more (that's a lot already, I know!) but I've had my rant and I feel better now. It's been a bitch of a day, I needed that.

Again, these are not "rules" for Twitter, they're things that just shit me personally (and make me unfollow usually).

*note: if I am following you on Twitter, this is NOT about you. I unfollow people who shit me.

When I Grow Up...

Tonight I want to talk a little bit about what I want to be in life. I don't mean what I want to do for a job, that whole "When I grow up I want to be a truck driver." (Though when I was a kid I had a t-shirt that said exactly that, thanks for giving me BOYS hand me downs Mother). I mean who I want to be as a person, what I want to bring to this rather amazing world of ours.

Now y'all know I love Craig Ferguson. You're probably all sick of me posting stuff of his on my blog. Well, tough. Because it's my blog and I'll post Craig Ferguson if I want to.

That out of the way, Craig is a prime example of the person I want to be. The person I sometimes am, but can't always hit the mark like he does. It's not because I think he's cute and funny. Yes he is those things. But what I really admire is his intelligence, passion, respect, joy, articulacy, wit and sense of wonder.

I have so much respect for someone who embodies those values. Even more someone who is articulate enough to express them. I want to be someone who not only shows intelligence, but also is able to see the joy and wonder in the world. I want to be someone who can laugh at the absurdity of life, but also wonder at the awesome stuff too. I want to have passion for things I do and believe in. I want to be able to express myself in an articulate manner. But more than anything, respect for myself and for others is really important to me.

Now I've shared some of the videos I find hilariously funny from the vast library on YouTube of Craig Ferguson's work before. But now I want to share with you a few other bits and pieces, which to me, illustrate qualities that I really admire.

Let's start with this one, which I think is one of my favourite pieces (or rants, he is known for a rant or two, is Craig) he has done:

What I admire most about this piece is his absolute passion for the subject matter, and the fact that he does not dumb his argument down for his audience at any moment. He still approaches the subject with some humour, but you can see the passion in every word. I love that he takes on subjects that MATTER, rather than just joking about the same old stuff everyone else is, because it's fashionable or topical or appeals to his sponsors. When it means a lot to him, he will get in there and speak up. But never in a disrespectful way - notice that while he's criticising the deification of youth, he's also pointing out that inexperience is part of being young, that it's not something to be ashamed of.

Another quality I would like to be known for is the ability to speak articulately on ANY subject. That doesn't mean I want to be an expert on every subject, but to have the ability to learn about new things my whole life, and be able to have an informed opinion and understanding, and to be able to converse/discuss or present on new things all the time. Craig has an incredible skill with this - he works with only a couple of writers who give him some form and ideas for his show, and is known for only using reminders and guides on his teleprompter rather than having it all written for him. And he'll have a go at almost any subject.

I always loved the character of Coker in John Wyndham's "The Day of the Triffids" who was a professional orator who's slogan was "Subject no object."

I also want to share with you a quote of his that I found:

"Cynicism is the true refuge of the pseudo-intellectual. Cynicism is easy. Joy is an extremely advanced spiritual and intellectual tenet."

I love this. Oh how I love this! I truly believe that it is easy to sneer and smirk at the world, to always believe the worst. To be jaundiced and jaded, scornful. Most cynics believe they're oh so intelligent for this attitude.

But I disagree. To fill your life with joy, to look for the positive as much as possible. Some equate it with naivety or being a "Pollyanna", or viewing the world through "rose coloured glasses", but I don't believe that is what the opposite of cynicism truly is. We all know that life can be cruel, or pointless at times. But cynics tend to have that view as the default. I think that even in the most difficult of times, there can be moments of joy and wonder to be found. In fact, those are the things that make the difficult times pass a lot quicker.

Then there is the ability to laugh at yourself. For example, I love this little montage from one of Craig's opening monologues of him totally making fun of himself:

It's juvenile, it's silly, and it's delightfully self-deprecating. I want to be able to laugh at myself and be an idiot sometimes. I want to be childish, silly and goofy, as well as being articulate, intteligent, passionate and respectful.

So who do you want to be? What qualities are important to you? Is there someone that you truly admire as a person and want to embody the same qualities as?

Anti-Depressants Anyone?

Well if you've read this blog before this post, you know I've been suffering a bout of depression lately, and while I'm pretty good at just waiting it out until it passes, and doing a few things to take care of myself, today it was kicking my arse a bit. So I decided to be totally indulgent in something that I KNOW makes me feel good, and that's Craig Ferguson lip sync videos.

Half an hour later I feel great. I've laughed, I've chair-danced, I've sung and I've bought a bunch of songs off iTunes.

Why do I love them? Well firstly because I have a mega crush on Craig. He's everything that is yum - handsome, funny, intelligent and a complete nutbar sense of humour.

Secondly, because he clearly picks songs he enjoys himself, and has lots of fun dancing around like a nut to, and lip syncing.

The fact that he semi-choreographs some of them cracks me up.

It's one of the few places you will see a totally unco black dude. The fact that he gets rhythmically pwned by two geeky white guys is hilarious.

The little man in leather trousers has a hot body.

AND THERE ARE PUPPETS PEOPLE!!

So I'm going to share the collection I have found here, and you can come back anytime you like for a dose of Craig's madness. I am telling you, it's good for what ails ya.

Britney Spears - Oops I Did it Again

A Duran Duran cover of Grandmaster Flash's White Lines. Great song.

I think this one is my favourite, mostly because I love the song:

Say Hey (I Love You) - Michael Franti and Spearhead

It's a Wonderful Night - Fatboy Slim (the first Craig lip sync video I ever saw)

Kronos the Monkey lip syncs to She Taught me To Yodel by Frank Ifield (whom I knew when I was a kid!!!)

Actually I think if you have watched Kronos above and not laughed, I can't be your friend any more.

Istanbul - They Might be Giants

The Lonely Goatherd from The Sound of Music.

So there you have it. My favourite kind of anti-depressants. And if you dig Craig Ferguson and want to see more of his videos, may I suggest checking out Malinky2Stoatir on YouTube and if you use Twitter, follow @LipSyncingScot who is a fan working to share more of Craig's work.

Fake it 'Til You Make It

You may have heard the phrase "Fake it 'til you make it." before. Often people use it in reference to a subject matter they're supposed to know about, or as a show of confidence when they feel they don't have any.

I use it in another way though. I use it when I'm struggling with depression.

I've had some wobbles again over the past week, mostly because I've pushed myself too hard and not got enough sleep. I know that when I get really busy with work and my social life, that I don't sleep enough, and then I tend to fall over in a bit of a heap. It used to be really hard to deal with, but these days I treat it the same as I would getting physically run down - I take some time to rest and relax, and take care of myself with eating well, drinking lots of water and getting some fresh air.

There is one other thing I know helps. Faking it until I make it. Instead of spending my down times shut up avoiding the world, I try to connect with it instead. Even though I don't feel like it, I know in the long run, it helps me shake off the black dog.

Whether that is virtually or in reality, it doesn't matter. Spending time online immersed in upbeat, fun stuff (whether it's conversations on Twitter, watching videos on YouTube, surfing around Tumblr, etc) really helps, especially if you're like me and have run yourself into the ground physically, and need to chill a wee bit. But if you're physically ok, getting out is good too. Whether it be with friends or family, or even on your own. I will carry myself off to a movie if I want to get out and about but can't catch up with people.

I know that quite often when depression hits, you just don't feel like getting out. It's hard enough to get out of bed, let alone out of the house. But it is something that will make you feel so much better, if you get yourself doing something that makes you feel good. And if you don't know what that is, try some new things, you might surprise yourself.

All in all, remember the phrase "Fake it 'til you make it." and try it when you find yourself dogged by the depression fairy. I know it works for me.

Act Your Age...

You know when people make those throwaway comments with a bite? The ones that they toss at you glibly, but underneath is a slightly vinegar tone, that tells you that it means more than they want you to believe?

Well I had one of those come my way yesterday. I was telling someone about how much fun I have at the first Friday of the month BTUB events. To which the little comment came back "What, don't you like spending time with people your own age anymore?" It was said in a jesting tone, but with just enough vinegar to alert me to the fact that the commenter was clearly getting a dig in. I didn't comment on it at the time, but I've been thinking about it.

Firstly, yes, BTUB is a Twitter group. Oooooh, people from the internets! Watch out that they're not all weird stalkers and child pornographers, won't you? I meet with folks from the internet all the time. Have been doing so now for about a decade, and before that I was meeting with penpals I made through things like Rolling Stone magazine and even earlier, Dolly magazine. I'm still alive. I've not yet been stalked (that I know of) and other than a few annoying people (far less than I've met through my workplace and other "real life" events), I've not had any really bad experiences.

Secondly, it's a pretty mixed age group. The youngest I can think of is about 20, and they range to maybe up to a decade older than I am. Maybe more (you know, some folks have the youthful gene). I read somewhere that more than 60% of Twitter users are over 35. I'm just a teensy bit over 35 myself.

However, yes, there are a lot of people who are "BTUBbers" who are under 30. Most of the people I seem to have clicked with the most are under 30. And personally, I don't care what someone's age is, it's just a number of years they have rotated around the sun.

But one thing I am noticing is, that the reason I tend to gravitate towards those younger than my own generation, is that I find them refreshingly different to my "peers" so to speak. Now I am generalising here, and I am not saying that EVERYONE of my age or older fits the cookie cutter. But I have made a few observations about the people I find myself surrounded by lately, which I will share with you all.

Less cynicism. Nothing bores me more than cynics trying oh-so-hard to be cool and detached. Sneering at anything goofy, joyful, silly, entertaining or God forbid, popular. I love being around people who see fun in life, who enjoy things simply for the pleasure they give, rather than some lofty ideal or to impress others. It's so much more pleasant to be around.

Willingness to change/learn. The day I stop learning is the day I stop living. There are times I am wrong. I like to discover more about myself, others and the world. I like those who feel the same way. I like those who are eager to try new things, in the same way I am. That doesn't mean I don't like old favourites too, but I don't want to ever find myself in a rut.

Thinking outside the cookie cutter. Whether it be in clothes, music, books, movies, I don't want to ever find myself not trying something new. Or shunning something that is geeky or nerdy or not in fashion, just because it's pretty or fun or pleasant. I don't want to find myself wearing a "uniform" of clothes because it's what everyone else wears. I want to admire silver boots and purple tights and Dr Who scarves and blue dyed hair. I want to eat cupcakes in the park, or get dolled up and go to high tea, rather than stand around a barbecue with a chardy while the blokes have a beer and turn the sausages, talking about what the kiddies did at kindy or what the boss said at work.

One I've noticed from the guys: not intimidated by a woman who is independant, outgoing and confident. Oh so many guys of my generation and older like to whinge how they want an independant woman, how they want an outgoing lady with confidence but only find women who want them to pay their mortgage and tell them what to do. But when they meet a woman with confidence, they run a fucking mile. And tell their mates what a ball-breaking, aggressive bitch she is. It's refreshing to find guys who aren't bothered a jot about an outgoing, independant woman, who mostly see it as normal.

And finally, a willingness to go out of their way to show caring for each other. I think it's part of the cynicism, but I am wearied by people who like to call themselves friends, but won't inconvenience themselves for their friends. And I mean inconvenience, not at anyones expense. I'm not talking handing over your life savings, I'm talking about letting someone know you are there to listen, even though you have your own busy life. Some time ago I found myself surrounded by people who were more than happy to have me put in all the effort in a friendship, but the minute I showed any sign of need myself... well, you could hear the crickets chirping. Over the past year or so, I've found myself gathering a lovely tribe of people who give as well as receive, and yes, most of them are indeed younger than I am.

Anyway, I'm not saying everyone over 35 is boring and restricted and selfish. You know how I hate generalisations. And perhaps it is skewed by the fact that I'm meeting people who are interested in the same things I am (but I am including those I meet through work, other friends and such as well). However, for a long time, I felt tired and bored and I've changed my method of socialising, to one which happens to include people of all ages. But yes, I am often, but not always, drawn to those who are younger than I am because they're not so caught up in appearances and and what other people think.

I'll probably get a few of those barbed comments for this too... *wink*!

Wisdom From One Who Has Suffered

Ahh I love Twitter. It gives me soooooooooo much inspiration to WRITE!

Tonight I want to talk about depression. Actually I just want to give some straight up dot points about lessons I have learnt in my journey with the whole depression crap.

Just a bit of background. I have suffered depression my whole life. I always will suffer depression for the rest of my life. It is both chemical and situational. However I have had fantastic help and worked very hard for a lot of years to get it to a manageable place, where it no longer rules my life. I still have times where it is a struggle, but I now recognise the black dog when he comes to visit, and can adjust my thinking and behaviour enough to be able to get him back down to a teacup size that I can shove in a metaphorical box and get back to my life!

Anyway, here are some wisdoms I have learnt, that I want to share with you all.

• You don't have to be normal. There is no such thing as normal. Each of us is just doing the best we can with what we've got. And that's perfectly ok.
• Stop making excuses. Stop saying you'll do things "when". Don't wait to lose weight, get a boyfriend, get a job, have money, have a baby, whatever. You'll only regret it when you look back at all the time you wasted.
• Get help. Go to a GP. If they don't help you, go to another GP. It took me 20 years to find a GP who would help me. When I found her, she literally saved my life. Ask people who their GP's are. ASK the GP's if they will bulk bill you after the first visit. Mine did, she said "I want you to come back here and I know you won't if you can't afford it, so I will bulk bill you." She still does, 5 years later.
• Accept help when it is offered, even if it is not all the answers you wanted. Say thank you, and people will help you even more.
• Find gratitude. I know it sounds all Oprah-ish, but just being grateful for breathing got me through some days where nothing else did. Being grateful for someone who says "I care." Being grateful for a cold drink, or a tv show, or warm slippers, or the bus driver that was nice. Gratitude not only gives you something positive to focus on, but a tiny bit of gratitude for the people who do show kindness will only have them showing MORE kindness.
• Accept that sometimes there is no answer just yet. That you need to just solve something else, like where your next meal is coming from, or getting dressed, or getting through a day of work. The answers will come.
• Take responsibility for your life and that of your children. Nobody else's life is your responsibility. But your life (and those of your children) are the responsibility of no other.
• Breathe.
• Get dressed. My God, that was the BEST lesson I learned. Get up at a normal hour (I used to set before 10am), shower, and dress. You would be surprised at what that achieves.
• Get out of the house. Go to the library. Go to the park. On payday, go to a coffee shop. If you can, be around friends and family that are "inflaters" (they inflate you, rather than those people who deflate you). Sit in your bloody back yard if you have to, just get out.
• Stop thinking that your situation is worse than everyone elses. Believe me, some people have dealt with shit that you could NEVER imagine, in your worst nightmares, and survived.
• BELIEVE that there is more to life than depression. If for no other reason, than the fact that I am telling you now. Believe me. I promise you I am not lying to you.

Another Challenge Post

I think it's time for another challenge post. This one comes from the ever charming Lee from Quit Your Day Job, a talented artist and all-round nice bloke.

His suggestion is if you had to describe yourself via a film, which one would it be, and why?

That's actually a REALLY tough question. I've actually been thinking about it for a couple of weeks trying to pin down a film that actually describes me in any way, and I'll have to admit, I am absolutely stumped.

However, I can think of a couple films that have actually shaped who I am as a person, so perhaps those will suffice (Lee? I hope so!)

The first one is a movie that I have loved for many, many years. The Colour Purple.

I actually can't remember the first time I saw it, I think I was in my early to mid teens. The reason it speaks to me so much is because Celie maintains her dignity despite the horrific way she is treated her whole life. I was inspired by her strength and the beauty that shines from within Whoopi Goldberg in this role too. I guess the outwardly funny-looking woman who has suffered at the hands of many people in her life just spoke to me.

Another that really resonated with me was Amazing Grace starring Ioan Gruffudd and Albert Finney.

I saw this one a couple of years ago at the cinema and was so deeply moved by the story of abolitionist William Wilberforce that I needed some quiet time afterwards to digest all the lightbulb moments that I had throughout the film. The one big thing I got from this movie was that greatness isn't about grandiosity. Strong, steady convictions are worth just as much as huge grandiose gestures... if not more. It also spoke to me a lot about my spirituality and belief systems.

So there you go, a couple of films that made me think about who I am and what is important to me.

Movie Review - The Hangover

Today I saw one of the funniest movies I have ever seen.  It is called "The Hangover".  I'll kick you off with the trailer for it:

Now I know, some of you may be thinking "Oh another bromance road trip movie, full of puerile sexist jokes, no thanks."  Thinking along the lines of all those other tacky sexist movies aimed at the fellas.  But you would be very, very wrong.

Yes, this is a movie about four blokes who got completely fucked up at a bachelor party in Las Vegas.  Yes, there is some puerile humour in there.  But that's where the stereotype ends.  I have to tell you, while the trailer is good, it is only the absolute tip of the iceberg with the humour in this movie.  As it is rated MA15+ in Australia, there is a lot of it they can't show in the trailer.  Not that it's offensive or crude or violent - it's just adult humour.  Particularly as there are scenes that Zach Galifianakis is without pants.  And there's lots of drinking references of course.

I saw it today with my friend Elizabeth, and seriously, it is a long time since I laughed so hard at a movie.  It's well cast with three very, very funny guys Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms and Bradley Cooper.  It has a good, solid storyline.  It has a heart.  The mystery of what they got up to the night before is one that keeps you hooked into the story.  And I will tell you, the cameo by Mike Tyson is bloody brilliant.  Don't get me wrong, Mike Tyson is a nutcase animal, he just is one that has been a good sport for this film, and his cameo just works perfectly.

Zach Galifianakis and Ed Helms really stand out for me too.  Ed Helms carries the frantically panicking, henpecked, geeky dentist so well, his absolute freak-outs throughout the film are just brilliant.  Zach Galifianakis looks like he'd play a total foul-mouthed, unlikeable animal, but his character Alan is strangely endearing in is oddness, what with his polite manner (he never swears once in the whole movie) and his affinity with the baby, a dog, the hooker (Heather Graham) etc is adorable, but not the rude chubby kid with the mobile phone!

And Bradley Cooper isn't a chore to look at either.

Honestly, this movie had me laughing so hard I was struggling to breathe, my face hurt, my throat is sore tonight and I am going to buy the DVD.  Because I truly think that it's going to be one of those movies that everyone quotes at each other, and tells each other that they just HAVE to see.  

Go see it.  I doubt you will regret it.  And that means you too girls!

A Colossal Failure

Isn't a long weekend a delicious thing?

I've been able to spend mine catching up on all the bits and pieces online that I haven't had time to look at/read/watch over the past few weeks, because I've been so busy.  Mostly because my DVD player decided to die on Saturday, which meant that I couldn't spend hours watching Firefly on DVD like I planned to, so it gave me this opportunity.

I favourite a lot of things in my browser and in Twitter to look at later.  Mostly it's videos and articles.  Sometimes when I'm really busy, I find myself with pages and pages of articles and stuff to work back through.  I always go back to the very oldest stuff and work my way through methodically, so that nothing gets missed.

Today, I got to this little gem that I'll post for you below.  It's a video from Maker Faire in San Francisco a week or two ago, of a talk Adam Savage gave about failure.

You all know by now what a huge Mythbusters fan I am, and yes, Adam is very cool and has probably the most awesome job in the world (who else but the Mythbusters get to make stuff and then destroy it in spectacular ways?)

But there is another reason I really dig Adam.  I think as well as being lots of fun, super-creative and a joy to watch with all his enthusiasm, I think he has a really cool outlook on life, which does manifest in some incredible wisdoms sometimes.  So before I go on, here's the video.  It is an hour long, but well worth watching:

While this talk is still a rough one and I'm sure Adam will refine it over the coming months (as he did with his previous amazing talk on obsession), even at this point I find it inspirational and thought provoking.

I am learning that it is ok to fail.  It's not ok to do something half-arsed or without thought, but if I give it my best shot, and learn from any mistakes I make, then it's fine.  Because as Adam says, it's the failures in life that gear you up and lead you to the successes.  It is the failures than help you refine your work to be consistently better and better each time.  And as he says, there is no shame in owning those failures either.  Sure it feels bad, sometimes downright painful, and takes some getting over, but I believe so long as you own it, and learn from it, you will be better off in the long run.

So what's the most colossal failure you have ever made?  Did you learn from it and move on, or are you still cringing?

Did I Say That?

I think it's time to take up another blog challenge.

This one comes from the Library Nerd herself, Naomi.  She suggested that I blog about times I've made inappropriate comments (she is aware of my severe case of blurtitis) or that I've had them made to me, or heard them.  I think that's a great idea, because I've heard some CRACKERS over the years.

I think the worst one anyone has ever said to me, was a woman I was having a conversation with about cosmetic surgery.  She said "Well you don't have to worry, fat people don't get wrinkles."

Okkkayyyyy

She was actually being complimentary at the time.  The guy who was standing with us during the conversation literally choked on his coffee.

There are always the ones out of the mouths of babes too.  Kids have a real knack of just blurting out truths that are inappropriate for the time and place.  Like the four year old who raised his hand in class when I asked "Who at home has someone who smokes?"  I called on him with "Yes Daniel, who smokes at your house?" to which Daniel replied "Uncle Marty, sometimes through a billy!" (note: billy is a local slang for a bong)

Also the little girl who when I complimented her on her pretty dress, replied "Thanks, my Mummy stole it for me." and her big brother nudged her and went "Shhhhh!"

I'm just trying to think of the worst clanger I've ever dropped.  I'm so used to doing it now, because I have almost no filter between my brain and my mouth (it's a sign of honesty, I believe, got to have some positive benefit to it!) that I think I get over it when I make some kind of horrible faux pas much quicker than I used to.

I do remember announcing to a room full of my father's golf buddies when I was a kid, the reason he had got so good at his golf game was "Cos he got the sack and plays golf all the time and hasn't got any money for beer."  Yeah, well done Kath!  He kicked my arse for that one!

So, now it's your turn.  What's the worst clanger you've ever let slip, or heard someone else say?  Trot out your best inappropriate comments now!

Still a Nice Girl...

An interesting observation.  Every time I share my opinion on Twitter, I lose "followers".  It doesn't bother me, but I have noticed it happening every time.

It's an interesting phenomenon.  I notice that other assertive women who feel comfortable in sharing their opinion have the same result.

However, when a man shares his opinion, he gains more followers.  Folks pipe up "Hear! Hear!"

Even though it's the year 2009, women are not allowed to voice their opinions.  If they debate a topic, they're "harping" or "bitching".  Or worse, if they do debate it with another woman, sometimes that woman just turns to bitchy personal comments that have no bearing on the discussion.

During a debate, women are told to "get over it" or "can't you just let go."  However the guys are encourage to push the point and keep debating.  For men, it's called banter, for women, it's called narking.

I used to bite my tongue and not say anything, even when I believed deeply in something.  I used to be a "nice girl" who minded her manners, kept her thoughts to herself and towed the line.  But I learnt that all I was doing was making myself miserable.

Now that I  have more confidence in myself, my self esteem is stronger, I will speak up.  Especially if it something around people's attitudes that makes others feel inferior.  It's something I'm passionate about, the fact that some people believe themselves above others, or they put others down to make themselves feel superior.

When I believe something in my gut, I will speak up for it.  Like my earlier blog on rape (which I copped a lot of criticism for), or a debate over someone's superior attitude, or fat discrimination, disrespect to faith, all subjects that mean something to me.

That's not to mean I won't listen to intelligent, respectful discussion on it, in fact there is nothing I love better than to have someone challenge my thinking and them allow me to challenge theirs.  Some of the most stimulating discussions I've ever have were heated debates between myself and someone who had a very different opinion/belief.

When I went to visit my beloved friend Ian in Canada after  not seeing him for about 13  years, one thing I was looking forward to the most was an "argument" with him.  We got into one of our famous debates (which was over something quite silly) and someone said something to us to settle down, and I remember turning and grinning and saying "No way, I've waited 13 years for this!" and he replied "I love you Kath!"

I love being able to argue with someone and know that it's not a reflection on their feelings towards me, it's just a good solid debate.  To know that they're going to treat me with the same respect in the debate that I treat them with.

I no longer care if people don't like me for speaking up, for being assertive and sharing my opinion.  Because those that matter accept me for who I am, and appreciate my honesty and willingness to back my own beliefs.  It took a long time before I was able to do that, but boy is it liberating when you reach that point!

I'm still a nice girl.  I'm a nice girl with a good gut feeling and belief in respect and speaking up!

Five Fives

For those of you who don't follow me on Twitter or Facebook, a couple of days ago I asked folks to challenge me with blog post subjects, as I was feeling the need to "stretch my legs" a bit with my blogging.  I have some suggestions, which I will start to work on over the next few days, but I'm still open to suggestions (er, challenges) if you have any.  Everything suitable will be attempted!

So this is going to be my first challenge blog, and I'm going to start with a nice simple one until I find my feet.

@lilabris (who is my luvverly friend Kylie) challenged me to a "5 Things" meme.  Which is basically groups of five things about me.  So, here goes.

Five Favourite Musicians Ever (tough one)

• Elvis Costello
  
• kd lang
  
• Tom Waits
  
• Queen
  
• Indigo Girls
  

Five Cities I Could Live In (Besides Brisbane)

• New York City - it's all shades of awesome!
  
• Perth - so pretty and laid back, and much less built up
  
• San Francisco - it has EVERYTHING and is very creative
  
• Chicago - or nearby, I have beloved friends that live at Aurora, I'd love to be near them and Chicago was so funky.
  
• Melbourne - I love the coffee culture and the CBD is so lovely there.
  

Five Favourite Fictional Characters

• Mr Darcy - Pride and Prejudice (what woman doesn't?)
  
• Nick Schultz - Blue Heelers (what can I say, I fell in love when I was very young)
  
• Anne Shirley - Anne of Green Gables
  
• Hellboy - one of my favourite comic book heroes of all time.
  
• Arthur Dent - I always kind of felt that I know just how Arthur feels in the Hitchhiker books.
  

Five Strange Things I Have Eaten

• Echidna (damn good!)
  
• Scorpion (crunchy)
  
• Testicles (Rocky Mountain oysters, bush oysters, prairie oysters, whatever you call them)
  
• Haggis (it was worse than the testicles)
  
• Ostrich (kind of beefy really)
  

Five Random Facts about Me

• I used to own a music shop.
  
• When I was 21, I started a radio station with my friend Marty.  It's still running today, over 15 years later.
  
• I collect postcards, but they must have gone through the post (not necessarily to me)
  
• Peas make me gag.
  
• I am a sucker for underdogs and "waifs and strays" in life.
  

So there you have blog challenge post number 1!  Watch this space for more to come.

I Need a Lover that Wont Drive Me Crazy...

Any of you who follow me on Twitter, or my Facebook page, will probably have seen my statement last night that I am rather fed up with being single at the moment.  Please don't take this as a pity party, I don't in any way feel sorry for myself, just a bit bored and frustrated with this particular place in my life, and I feel I'm ready to change that.

What did surprise me was the number of people who suggested that I find a "friend with benefits".

Hang on a minute... didn't I just say I was sick of being single?  Doesn't that imply that I would like to be part of a relationship?

Personally I find the idea of "friends with benefits" quite insulting.  So what you're saying is, you just want to have sex with me, but you don't want to value me enough to actually have a relationship with me?  And I should feel good about that because...???

Anyhoo, I'm actually in the market for a relationship.  A no games, no bullshit, adult relationship.  I'm not in any way desperate, I don't feel less of a woman because I am single (I used to, but that was about low self esteem, not being single) and I don't have any agenda of any prospective partner other than that he treat me with respect and honesty.  I'm not out for a man to support me, rescue me or "complete me".

I would really just like to share life with someone.  Oh and the sex.  I miss sex!  Just because I don't like the friends with benefits deal, doesn't mean I'm not looking for a damn  hot lover!  I'm just looking for a lover who is willing to commit to me in the long term, because I deserve nothing less!

The whole dating world is fraught with peril for the fat woman over 30.  The single, unattached man pool is somewhat smaller than when one was younger.  It seems a lot of men are much pickier past 30 and tend to want to date women younger than them.  Age doesn't really matter to me, it's about the person he is, not the statistics he is made up of.  Or if they're not looking for a younger woman to settle down with, they're committed to the unattached life, and are not looking for a relationship.  That's not to say ALL guys fit into these standards, but many of them do.

Plus we folk (both guys and girls) over 30 have a lot more to lose in the unfortunate event of someone who misrepresents themselves.  Lived through that one not too long ago.  We're financially stable, we have assets and investments and unfortunately there are some who would like to get their hands on that, and do prey on those suffering loneliness to do so.  That has nothing to do with gender, it happens on both sides.  Thankfully I'm in no way lonely enough to let that kind of behaviour slip through ever again, as I may have done in my naive youth!

But those things aside, I know that there are lots of awesome guys out there, and not all of them are already snapped up by other ladies, or gay.  I know there is a nice bloke out there for me somewhere, not intimidated by a fat chick with a brain, just looking for an awesome woman like me!  One that he can relax and be himself with, and not worry about all the games and bullshit that some women like to play.  And one that isn't going to expect him to support her while she does nothing for him, or cling to him like a limpet without a life of her own.

If you know that bloke... send him my way!

Trolling: What's it All About

As my regular readers may have noticed, this blog has been plagued by a troll (possibly two, if the latter person is a real person, but I have my doubts).

I wanted to tell you a bit about trolls  and how to recognise them.  For a really in-depth definition, the Wikipedia one on (Internet) Trolls is pretty good.  Click here to read it.

What I want to bring up is that as annoying and confrontational internet trolls are, letting them stop or disrupt a discussion is exactly what they want.  They crave attention, and are unable to get it in the regular healthy ways that you and I do, so they stir up trouble and are generally just irritating to all others involved.

I really believe that the best way to deal with trolls is a two part action.  Firstly, do not change your behaviour in your blog, or other forum that the troll has turned up.  Ignore them as best as possible, and keep to your normal activities on that site/application.  

But secondly, when you do spot a troll, it's a good idea to call them out if nobody has before.  Because once they realise that people can see through them, they tend to just go away.

I choose not to delete comments that trolls leave because it outs them to the internet community.  But if it is particularly offensive or upsetting, it is ok to delete it, that's up to you.  And don't worry if they crap on about how you're censoring them, it's your blog, if someone is behaving like a troll you have every right to delete that.

Unfortunately, as much as we pick up on trolls behaviour, they find new ways to be a pain in the arse.  For every new application there is out there, they find a new way to troll.  So it's something that genuine people do need to keep clear about, and share information when they do suffer troll behaviour.

If you are not sure if you are dealing with a troll, a few questions to ask are:

• Do the posts this person makes stir up the community un-necessarily?
  
• Does this person hold double standards? (ie, accusing others of name calling but being name callers themselves, spouting their opinion loudly but not liking it when they are challenged or debated with etc)
  
• Does this person try to get other people "on their side"?
  
• Have a look at their account profile and others connected to them.  Do they look fake, lack detail or depth, or seem to come from the same source?
  
• Take a look at spelling, punctuation and grammar.  Trolls are more likely to have bad writing skills.
  
• Trolls are rarely rational.  They contradict themselves, throw insults, swear, ridicule people, and generally create a bad atmosphere.  Someone who is sharing a valid point is rational and balanced about it.  Trolls are not.  Trolls often end their posts with things like "HA!  I told you so!" like small children would.
  
• And most of all, trolls disappear when the subject is positive, fun or happy.  They like creating anger and misery.

I just found this rather interesting article from the eCommerce Journal, which gives a  nice simple explanation of trolling behaviour and the type of trolls you will find.

Most of all, I guess the wisest advice is:

Blog Love

Got a lovely Sunday morning surprise today!  I found a comment on one of my blog posts alerting me that I had been given a blog award.  Awwww!

My friend and fellow blogger Megan from over at Doing What the Cool Kids Do has left me this award:

I'm very touched!

Now as these blog awards go, it's my turn to award it to some of my favourite blogs.  So, here goes:

Life of a Flibbertigibbet - I don't even remember how I stumbled across this blog, but Ms Flibbertigibbet seems to me like the kind of lady I could be great friends with, if we didn't live a gazillion miles apart.

Katagal Kapers - Kerri is a friend and colleague of mine, and she's such an amazing lady who sees the best in situations, even when they drive her to distraction.

Big Fat Deal - a collaborative blog of fat activists, challenging the common attitude that being fat makes you less than other people.  Which they do with humour and attitude and a whole lot of intelligence.

Sleepy Jane - A lady from South Africa who's blog I never  miss, and I enjoy her posts on Twitter too.

Enjoy your cupcake awards ladies, and keep putting out the quality blog posts!