My Epiphany on Love, Hate and God

This morning while laying in bed, I was thinking about the post I read over on Rickofawesome's blog last night. Not only is it a great rant, very eloquently put, but it's saddening that in 2009 he needs to have this rant. I was laying there thinking about how sad it makes me that people use God to justify their own hateful behaviour and attitudes, when I personally don't believe that is what God is about at all. My thoughts ran over how people like those that comment in this Courier Mail article, regarding MP Dorothy Pratt's comments in State Parliament about homosexuality being "not a normal part of life", use God or religion to spread hate.

Stick with me here for a bit.

Now let me just clear this up, I am a Christian. I don't belong to any denomination because I've not been able to find one that fits me and my beliefs, but I believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God and therefore that makes me Christian. I don't need to belong to a denomination or church to be Christian. I also don't need to prove my faith, evangelise it, defend it or convert anyone to it. I don't care if people believe different to me, so long as they allow me to hold my faith without prejudice. Personally I believe God is God, regardless of what name you call Him by or if you split Him up into a bunch of Gods that all serve the same purpose. But that's by the by.

But as well as being Christian, I also believe a whole bunch of things that people calling themselves Christian spread a whole lot of hate against. I believe that a person's sexuality is private and personal and has no bearing on their worth as a human being. I believe that pornography and prostitution have a place in a healthy society. I believe that there are circumstances where abortion is a legitimate option (sometimes sadly the only option). I believe that religion has no place in education, health care or government. I believe that women are equal to men. I believe that if someone is partaking in an activity that harms no-one but themselves, then it is their right to do so. I also swear like a trouper, drink like a fish and believe in pre-marital sex. These beliefs will draw me hatred from many of my so-called fellow Christians.

Which draws me back to my thoughts as I lay in bed this morning, thinking of the hate that so many people spread in the name of God. And I had an epiphany. It was a big one too. That epiphany was:

God is Love.

Simple isn't it? Or at least it feels that way when you look at that little three word sentence. But so many people simply don't get it. They spread hatred and anger (which is just the expression of hatred) in the name of God when they are actually doing the very opposite of what I believe God is. And it doesn't matter who or what your God is.

But it really goes for everyone, both those of faith and those who are atheists. If you want to achieve anything in your life, bring love into it. I'm not talking about sex. Or a relationship, though that form of love will count. I'm also not talking about a big hippy ideal of peace and love and groovy man.

If you want happiness, find love in your life. Now calm down, I'm not saying that you have to be in a relationship to have happiness, which is what everyone thinks when one mentions finding love. I'm saying focus on the things you love. Your family, your friends, your job, your art, your pets, whatever. But most of all, love yourself. If you can't find love for yourself, your struggle is still going to be there my friend. You don't have to get all weird and announce "Oh I am loving myself sick right now!" But you do have to find yourself feeling a deep like for who you are. It's not an easy thing to do, but work on making yourself the best you can possibly and you will find that love.

If you spread hate, if you spend your day filled with hate, then that's all you're going to get back in return. People hating you back. All you're going to see in your life are the things you hate. You're never going to notice the good things that are right there in front of you while you are all about hate.

It's ok to disagree with things. It's ok to be passionate in that disagreement. But hateful? That's what's bringing you the shit in your life. Hate doesn't make you a better person, it makes you a worse one. If you disagree with something passionately, which you have the right to do, even if that belief is harmful or discriminatory to others, find evidence about it, discuss it in an intelligent, rational, respectful manner and listen when you are presented the opposing view. Even if others believe you are wrong, you have the right to hold that belief so long as you do so with respect. You have the right to hold a belief, you do not necessarily have the right to act on that belief. Learn the difference.

But most of all, stop hiding behind religion to justify your hate. God doesn't want you to spread hate. No matter which God or Gods you believe in. Besides you're fucking it up for the rest of us who would like to be respected in our faith.

A Letter To Myself

How long is it since you were sixteen?  It's an awful long time since I was sixteen, and if you've been reading earlier posts, you'll know that my 20 year high school reunion was just a couple of weeks ago (for those of you who haven't read earlier posts, I didn't go).

I had a conversation with a friend recently about if you knew then, what you know now.  Which kind of got me thinking, what would I say to myself if I could sit down today and write a letter for 16 year old me, that 16 year old me would actually receive.  So I thought I would give it a go here.

Dear me,

I know right now you just can't imagine being 36 years old.  I know you've thought about the Year 2000 and how you'll be 27 when the new year hits and and that's totally unfathomable to you.  But it does happen, and it will sail right by you really quickly, and before you know it, 2010 is racing up towards you at a phenomenal rate.

But that will be ok.  Because unlike the years gone by, you feel more comfortable about time passing than you have when you were younger, and you'll not feel like you have all these deadlines and rules you have to stick by in your life.

I know right now in your life, you are all you have that you feel you can depend on.  Things are changing all around you, you're finding a little bit of the strength you are capable of, and you're making decisions for YOU for the first time in your life.  You're well versed in making adult decisions, you've been making them since  you can remember, but this is about the first time you're making those decisions with yourself in mind.  Even though you don't quite recognise it yet, and you're still trying to please everyone else, you're starting to get your first inkling that you do need to look after you before everyone else.  That's good, because the sooner you learn that, the easier it gets honey!

You're scared, and you feel like things never change.  They will.  Boy oh boy will they change for you very soon.  You're going to meet your first true love very soon, and you will still love him with your whole heart over 20 years later, even though you know he's not the man for you.  And I promise you, he'll never break your heart.  He'll teach you that men can be gentle and loving and giving, that they don't have to be about violence and humiliation.  Watch out for him, you'll know he's a kindred spirit the moment you meet him.

Don't worry so much about what other people think about you.  Worry about what you think about you.  That's not an easy lesson to learn, but it is the truth.  Especially don't worry what strangers or people you don't like think about you.  They matter NOTHING.  And if someone thinks bad things about you, then they're not worth caring about.  The ones who matter love you to bits, and they'll prove it in a million ways.

Oh and your family?  You're the one that's getting it right sweetie, it's ok.  You will find a happiness that their selfishness and bitterness will never, ever afford them.  You will be free.

Your body is not who you are.  It's hard being different to everyone else, I know, but it doesn't define you.  Who you are is in your heart and soul and mind.  Again, those people who don't love you for who you really are, well, they're not worth caring about either.

Believe it or not, you can learn anything you put your mind to.  A fucking brilliant TV show called Mythbusters is going to teach you that.  Yep, a TV show.  It will end up being one of the few things you bother to watch.  Because every time it's on, it awakes a new curiosity in you for something else you can learn about.  It will send you off to the library or the internet (don't worry, you'll learn what the internet is in about a decade, and you'll never look back) to learn more about a gazillion other subjects.  Through that learning you'll discover a confidence in yourself that you would never have believed possible.  Here they are, keep an eye out for them:

And guess what?  The stutter goes away.  Not totally, but enough that most people will never know you suffered from it, unless you choose to tell them.  So much, that you'll even be public speaking one day. 

But what I really want you to know is, you're awesome.  Not in a wanky conceited way, but just you, as you really are, with all your flaws, mistakes, fuck-ups, goofiness and traits that some people put you down for, are actually awesome.  You don't have to be perfect to be awesome.  You are a smart, beautiful, funny and HUGELY open hearted woman.  And the day you realise that will be the most liberating moment of your life.

I love you.

Kath

Roses are Red...

Well another Valentine's Day has been and gone.   *Kath waves*

This is the first Valentine's Day since I have been conscious of the concept of Valentine's Day that I haven't been totally depressed.  And it's been a single Valentine's Day for me.  Not to mention the fact that I stayed home all day and didn't really do anything.

It goes to show just how much more at peace with myself I am these days.  I used to measure my self worth by my status or activity on Valentine's Day.  "I'm so pathetic, I'm single on Valentine's Day."  Or "Why doesn't he show me he loves me more?  I must be horrible."  But this year I didn't feel that my being single and spending the day at home reflected at all on who I am.  It was nice to send a few pretty things to friends on Facebook, but otherwise, it didn't really affect me much at all.

One thing I did notice though, was the number of people, and admittedly, almost exclusively women, complaining that their Valentine's Day was crap because their significant other didn't do enough for them on the day.  Didn't acknowledge the day enough, wasn't romantic enough.

Now don't get me wrong, but isn't Valentine's Day a celebration and appreciation of love?  Or is it an excuse to get the best goodies you can?  Or the most elaborate gestures you can?

Shouldn't it be about celebrating and appreciating that you HAVE someone to love in your life, who loves you?  Shouldn't it be an opportunity to take some time out and spend time together?  If you're in it for the gestures and the goodies... do you really love that person?

I'm just askin' is all.