Still a Nice Girl...

An interesting observation.  Every time I share my opinion on Twitter, I lose "followers".  It doesn't bother me, but I have noticed it happening every time.

It's an interesting phenomenon.  I notice that other assertive women who feel comfortable in sharing their opinion have the same result.

However, when a man shares his opinion, he gains more followers.  Folks pipe up "Hear! Hear!"

Even though it's the year 2009, women are not allowed to voice their opinions.  If they debate a topic, they're "harping" or "bitching".  Or worse, if they do debate it with another woman, sometimes that woman just turns to bitchy personal comments that have no bearing on the discussion.

During a debate, women are told to "get over it" or "can't you just let go."  However the guys are encourage to push the point and keep debating.  For men, it's called banter, for women, it's called narking.

I used to bite my tongue and not say anything, even when I believed deeply in something.  I used to be a "nice girl" who minded her manners, kept her thoughts to herself and towed the line.  But I learnt that all I was doing was making myself miserable.

Now that I  have more confidence in myself, my self esteem is stronger, I will speak up.  Especially if it something around people's attitudes that makes others feel inferior.  It's something I'm passionate about, the fact that some people believe themselves above others, or they put others down to make themselves feel superior.

When I believe something in my gut, I will speak up for it.  Like my earlier blog on rape (which I copped a lot of criticism for), or a debate over someone's superior attitude, or fat discrimination, disrespect to faith, all subjects that mean something to me.

That's not to mean I won't listen to intelligent, respectful discussion on it, in fact there is nothing I love better than to have someone challenge my thinking and them allow me to challenge theirs.  Some of the most stimulating discussions I've ever have were heated debates between myself and someone who had a very different opinion/belief.

When I went to visit my beloved friend Ian in Canada after  not seeing him for about 13  years, one thing I was looking forward to the most was an "argument" with him.  We got into one of our famous debates (which was over something quite silly) and someone said something to us to settle down, and I remember turning and grinning and saying "No way, I've waited 13 years for this!" and he replied "I love you Kath!"

I love being able to argue with someone and know that it's not a reflection on their feelings towards me, it's just a good solid debate.  To know that they're going to treat me with the same respect in the debate that I treat them with.

I no longer care if people don't like me for speaking up, for being assertive and sharing my opinion.  Because those that matter accept me for who I am, and appreciate my honesty and willingness to back my own beliefs.  It took a long time before I was able to do that, but boy is it liberating when you reach that point!

I'm still a nice girl.  I'm a nice girl with a good gut feeling and belief in respect and speaking up!

An Easter Question

Question:  Do athiests ever make disparaging, disrespectful remarks about Judaism/Buddhism/Islam/Hinduism etc?  Or do they just reserve it for Christianity?

Because I tell ya, I'm over the bullshit floating around today from the athiest set, making comments like "Happy nail your God to a stick day" and things like that.

All I have to say is "Shut the fuck up and enjoy the PAID public holiday that you're more than happy to take, despite it not being about your personal beliefs.  And keep your disrespectful comments to yourself."

Thank you, that is all.

Want!

I'm up way later than I should be this evening.  I will go to bed soon, I promise.

But until then, let's talk about wants.

I want some things.  I want an iPhone.  I want a Mac laptop.  I want a bicycle.  I also want a good quality digital SLR camera.

I don't need any of these things, but I want them.  My life won't be better if I do have them, but they will make me feel good.  I will enjoy them and the sense of achievement for having obtained them.

I've made the decision that I shall have all of those things by the end of 2009.  And once I've made up my mind, it will happen.  Dunno how, dunno when, but it will.

That's how my trip to the  US happened.  I made the decision that I was going to go to the US for my 35th birthday, and that I was going to spend the whole holiday season there, from my birthday in late October through Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year.  I just made up my mind.  And to this day I still don't know how I quite wangled it, but I did and it was the trip of a lifetime.

I am a firm believer that once you put your mind to something, you can make it happen.  Of course, it doesn't just happen miraculously on it's own, you have to have some input into the deal, but once you've made that decision the input is much easier.

I didn't always believe this.  Until a few years ago, I believed the whole of life was about fate and luck and that I had really bad luck.  But I had a shift in my thinking and started believing I could put my mind to anything I wanted and needed in life, and since I have, it's mostly worked for me.  Of course there have still been big challenges that cropped up, but I've found that when I've made the decision to deal with those challenges or make changes, then they tend to shift and change around me.

How do you feel about the things you want in life, be they material, emotional or general life goals?  Do you feel like you have any control over the likelihood of those wants being realised?  Do you believe it's up to fate?