Thursday, May 28, 2009

I Need a Lover that Wont Drive Me Crazy...

Any of you who follow me on Twitter, or my Facebook page, will probably have seen my statement last night that I am rather fed up with being single at the moment.  Please don't take this as a pity party, I don't in any way feel sorry for myself, just a bit bored and frustrated with this particular place in my life, and I feel I'm ready to change that.

What did surprise me was the number of people who suggested that I find a "friend with benefits".

Hang on a minute... didn't I just say I was sick of being single?  Doesn't that imply that I would like to be part of a relationship?

Personally I find the idea of "friends with benefits" quite insulting.  So what you're saying is, you just want to have sex with me, but you don't want to value me enough to actually have a relationship with me?  And I should feel good about that because...???

Anyhoo, I'm actually in the market for a relationship.  A no games, no bullshit, adult relationship.  I'm not in any way desperate, I don't feel less of a woman because I am single (I used to, but that was about low self esteem, not being single) and I don't have any agenda of any prospective partner other than that he treat me with respect and honesty.  I'm not out for a man to support me, rescue me or "complete me".

I would really just like to share life with someone.  Oh and the sex.  I miss sex!  Just because I don't like the friends with benefits deal, doesn't mean I'm not looking for a damn  hot lover!  I'm just looking for a lover who is willing to commit to me in the long term, because I deserve nothing less!

The whole dating world is fraught with peril for the fat woman over 30.  The single, unattached man pool is somewhat smaller than when one was younger.  It seems a lot of men are much pickier past 30 and tend to want to date women younger than them.  Age doesn't really matter to me, it's about the person he is, not the statistics he is made up of.  Or if they're not looking for a younger woman to settle down with, they're committed to the unattached life, and are not looking for a relationship.  That's not to say ALL guys fit into these standards, but many of them do.

Plus we folk (both guys and girls) over 30 have a lot more to lose in the unfortunate event of someone who misrepresents themselves.  Lived through that one not too long ago.  We're financially stable, we have assets and investments and unfortunately there are some who would like to get their hands on that, and do prey on those suffering loneliness to do so.  That has nothing to do with gender, it happens on both sides.  Thankfully I'm in no way lonely enough to let that kind of behaviour slip through ever again, as I may have done in my naive youth!

But those things aside, I know that there are lots of awesome guys out there, and not all of them are already snapped up by other ladies, or gay.  I know there is a nice bloke out there for me somewhere, not intimidated by a fat chick with a brain, just looking for an awesome woman like me!  One that he can relax and be himself with, and not worry about all the games and bullshit that some women like to play.  And one that isn't going to expect him to support her while she does nothing for him, or cling to him like a limpet without a life of her own.

If you know that bloke... send him my way!


Kylie said...

have you thought about going on RSVP? You never know...

Sleepydumpling said...

I've done RSVP and several others some time ago, but to be honest they are the haven of the pathetic and shallow. Not the kind of man I want to go anywhere near - I'm not that desperate!

Plus I don't believe I should have to go out on a man-hunt - I live my life and the right type of guy will come my way!

Robin said...

Nice thoughts, Kath. Yay for self-respect!

Flibbertigibbet said...

I think that the friends with benefits thing can have its place.

Sometimes you're living your life and you don't want a relationship, but you'd like a man in your life.
I know I've gone through that myself.

However, I'm in the exact same place as you. I'm not interested in friends with benefits, I want more than that.
When you post I am struck by our similarities! I'm an over 30 fat woman and I've found that my standards have become progressively tougher.
I'd rather be single than in a crappy relationship, no matter how much I'd prefer to be in a relationship than single!

It's a good job we're on separate continents - we might be after the same men otherwise! ;)

Sleepydumpling said...

Just keep your hands off Zachary Quinto and we'll be fine ok?

VivC said...

Amen! I, for one, am always very proud when a woman doesn't take less than she deserves.