Thursday, August 14, 2008

Men Make Me Laugh

I've just been thinking about something I observed on the weekend I was down on the Gold Coast. And it's had me giggling a wee bit.

When we first got there on the Saturday, after Janna and I had popped our stuff away in our hotel room and parked the car, we decided to go for a walk down to Cavill Avenue in the thick of Surfers Paradise. We stopped at Baskin and Robbins, as you do, for a Saturday afternoon ice-cream cone.

While we were in there, a couple of the Gold Coast Meter Maids popped in for their Saturday afternoon ice-cream cone, still in their uniforms. Now if you haven't seen their uniforms, check this out:


They don't wear much, do they? And the back view? Let's just say it's rather... cheeky. Do a Google Image search on "Gold Coast Meter Maids" and you'll get the idea.

Anyhoo, the girls got their ice-creams, which took a few minutes for them to get so they were standing at the counter waiting and stuff, and then they went outside and sat at one of the tables to eat them.

And I have not been entertained so much in a very long time as I was just watching the guys reactions to them. Absolutely hilarious.

Inside the shop, one trio of backpacker lads were good fun. Two tried desperately not to look, the third had a broken neck, it just wouldn't swivel away from those two girls. I think the poor boy hadn't seen a girl in a skimpy bikini before.

Then there was the old bloke with his wife. I think it was a long needed tonic for the old coot, but his missus wasn't real happy with his copping a view. She gave him a tug of the arm and dragged him away, dripping ice-cream all the way.

When we got outside, I was perfectly positioned to watch guys reactions as they walked down the corridor next to the shop, got to the edge of the seating area and spotted the girls. So I saw their expressions pre-vision and post-vision.

They would walk down the corridor, with relaxed expressions, minds far away. When they saw these two girls in their little gold bikinis, a range of things would happen. For example:

One guy walking down the hall with his sunglasses on his head, spotted the girls and then as quick as lightning plopped the sunnies down over his eyes. Ummm... you think we didn't notice you going the ogle mate?

Another one sucked his gut in like he'd had a vacuum pump stuck up his bum. Schloop!

Quite common was the "double take and drool" method. Often the mouth would plop open and the saliva glands go into action. I saw that three or four times in the 20 minutes we were sitting there.

Then there was the coupled up guy who would do the double take, have a good look and the girlfriend or wife would give him a slap or demand his attention some other way, but he was still using his peripherals after that, that's for sure.

I also noticed that the whiter the guy, the more sneaky and furtive the looks. Black, Maori or olive skinned guys all just turned and had a calm, interested look. White guys tended to have the thing where the neck doesn't move but the eyes dart off to where they can see. It's kind of creepy really. White guys, take a leaf out of your darker skinned brothers, just be cool, have a look, don't suck your gut in, don't peer out of the corner of your eyes, keep your mouth closed and for God's sake don't put your hand in your pocket. That's just skin-crawlingly creepy.

But my favourite of all was the guy who spotted the girls, turned and nudged his wife as if to say "Huh? Huh?" and panted like a dog on a hot day, while his wife just rolled her eyes and kept walking.

Guys, you're so funny. You think we don't notice?

Thursday, August 07, 2008

At the Movies: Wanted

I decided to take myself off to see a movie today. I really like James McAvoy, so I decided to go and see Wanted, which stars him, Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman.

I really enjoyed it, purely for it's shoot-em-up/stunt-extravaganza fun and for the fact that James McAvoy is a brilliant young actor and Morgan Freeman is a brilliant old actor.

However, Angelina Jolie proved to me that she couldn't act with a gun to her head... she actually had a gun to her head repeatedly in this movie and she definitely can't act. Her role was primarily her swanning around pouting those enormous rubber lips and giving monosyllabic comebacks to any lines said in her direction. She's ALARMINGLY thin in this movie, in fact she looks like a praying mantis with rubber lips. I don't see how she can be considered beautiful at all, she's so thin and "enhanced" with those dry looking lips. In fact when she kisses James McAvoy I kept worrying that he would leave a layer of his skin behind on her dry, dry lips.

One question... in these movies, when folks are getting beat up and wounded, both men and women equal, why do the guys get blood all over them, scars, big gory wounds, bruises etc, but the women get a wee smear of blood on their cheekbone but not a hair out of place or their makeup smudged?

Anyway, it was fun, despite La Jolie and her sour pouting, and as I said, James McAvoy is a masterful young actor with a fantastic presence, and the story has plenty of twists and turns to keep you interested. Go see it if you like lots of action and some brilliant stunts. The one where Fox (Jolie) swings her car around with the door open and Wesley (McAvoy) falls in, is absolutely hilarious.

Here's the trailer...