Men Make Me Laugh

I've just been thinking about something I observed on the weekend I was down on the Gold Coast. And it's had me giggling a wee bit.

When we first got there on the Saturday, after Janna and I had popped our stuff away in our hotel room and parked the car, we decided to go for a walk down to Cavill Avenue in the thick of Surfers Paradise. We stopped at Baskin and Robbins, as you do, for a Saturday afternoon ice-cream cone.

While we were in there, a couple of the Gold Coast Meter Maids popped in for their Saturday afternoon ice-cream cone, still in their uniforms. Now if you haven't seen their uniforms, check this out:



They don't wear much, do they? And the back view? Let's just say it's rather... cheeky. Do a Google Image search on "Gold Coast Meter Maids" and you'll get the idea.

Anyhoo, the girls got their ice-creams, which took a few minutes for them to get so they were standing at the counter waiting and stuff, and then they went outside and sat at one of the tables to eat them.

And I have not been entertained so much in a very long time as I was just watching the guys reactions to them. Absolutely hilarious.

Inside the shop, one trio of backpacker lads were good fun. Two tried desperately not to look, the third had a broken neck, it just wouldn't swivel away from those two girls. I think the poor boy hadn't seen a girl in a skimpy bikini before.

Then there was the old bloke with his wife. I think it was a long needed tonic for the old coot, but his missus wasn't real happy with his copping a view. She gave him a tug of the arm and dragged him away, dripping ice-cream all the way.

When we got outside, I was perfectly positioned to watch guys reactions as they walked down the corridor next to the shop, got to the edge of the seating area and spotted the girls. So I saw their expressions pre-vision and post-vision.

They would walk down the corridor, with relaxed expressions, minds far away. When they saw these two girls in their little gold bikinis, a range of things would happen. For example:

One guy walking down the hall with his sunglasses on his head, spotted the girls and then as quick as lightning plopped the sunnies down over his eyes. Ummm... you think we didn't notice you going the ogle mate?

Another one sucked his gut in like he'd had a vacuum pump stuck up his bum. Schloop!

Quite common was the "double take and drool" method. Often the mouth would plop open and the saliva glands go into action. I saw that three or four times in the 20 minutes we were sitting there.

Then there was the coupled up guy who would do the double take, have a good look and the girlfriend or wife would give him a slap or demand his attention some other way, but he was still using his peripherals after that, that's for sure.

I also noticed that the whiter the guy, the more sneaky and furtive the looks. Black, Maori or olive skinned guys all just turned and had a calm, interested look. White guys tended to have the thing where the neck doesn't move but the eyes dart off to where they can see. It's kind of creepy really. White guys, take a leaf out of your darker skinned brothers, just be cool, have a look, don't suck your gut in, don't peer out of the corner of your eyes, keep your mouth closed and for God's sake don't put your hand in your pocket. That's just skin-crawlingly creepy.

But my favourite of all was the guy who spotted the girls, turned and nudged his wife as if to say "Huh? Huh?" and panted like a dog on a hot day, while his wife just rolled her eyes and kept walking.

Guys, you're so funny. You think we don't notice?